Saturday, September 26, 2009

Gypsy Rage

Sometimes there are misleading messages in movies.


Aliens do not live in South Africa, District 9.


Cyborg-like robot killers do not exist, no Ahhnold they do not.


GYPSIES ARE NOT KIND HANDSOME MEN WHO PLAY NICE MUSIC WITH WHOM YOU WILL DISCOVER MUTUAL ATTRACTION THROUGH CHOCOLATE.  



Actual facts about gypsies:


Borat does not like them.


Cartman does not like them.



A technicality about gypsies:


Under the Caravan Sites and Control of Development Act of 1960 Gypsies are defined as "persons of nomadic habit of life, whatever their race or origin, but does not include members of an organised group of travelling showmen, or persons engaged in travelling circuses, travelling together as such."


Figure 1: Inaccurate, misleading, FALSE



Figure 2:  More accurate



Even more specific facts about gypsies:


In Barcelona, petty theft is rampant and no one (THE POLICE) quite cares.


In Barcelona, they can cut off your fanny pack with a knife and you won't even notice.


In Barcelona, they pretend to be tourists and ask you for directions, or they are flower sellers who come up and put a flower on you and then they TAKE YOUR POSSESSIONS. 


In Barcelona, they work in teams.  They take your stuff and even if you catch them they've already handed it off and it's GONE.



The most specific fact about gypsies:


Gypsies stole my pride and joy, my baby, my poor defenseless Mr. Camera, on the subway, and I didn't even notice, and they were so tricky they zipped the backpack back up, and they didn't even say sorry.  


For a few days I searched my living quarters in denial.


I moved on to laying in bed sulking because SPAIN IS TERRIBLE AND I WILL NEVER LOVE ANYTHING AGAIN.  


Every camera I have owned I've broken from dropping.  YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND.  I LOOKED FOR THIS CAMERA FOR LIKE 6 MONTHS AND TRACKED DOWN THE MOST LUDACRIS DEAL EVER ON BROOKLYN CRAIGSLIST AND SPENT MONEY I DIDN'T HAVE and it was FREEZEPROOF and it was DROPPROOF and it could GO UNDER WATER for up to 10 METERS and it was FORCEPROOF and I don't even fully understand what that means but I think we can all agree that THAT IS AWESOME.  


And then a gypsy TOOK IT.  And they don't even have a CHARGER.  They can't even USE IT.  AHHHHHHHHH.  


Monday:


KRIS: Sara will you talk today please?


ME:  mmmhhhmmmhgggggrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr..... *whine*


KRIS:  (*this face*)




Tuesday:


KRIS: Sara will you talk today please?


ME:  no.


KRIS:  (*this face*)




Wednesday:


NEW KODAK CAMERA:  Hello, I am on your bed.  Your boyfriend loved you at some point, he vaguely remembers, before you turned into a miserable jaded human being.


Some final statements:


If you are, in fact, a benevolent chocolate-loving gypsy who lives on your river boat and just want to fall in love and have some pet dogs, I have no beef with you, fyi. 


Kris you are nice.





1 comment:

  1. kris you are.

    sara why dont you go steal some cool gypsy jewelery from me just to get back at them.

    ReplyDelete