Thursday, October 1, 2009

A Night Out With Gigi

Step 1:  Let's Go Clubbing?



Sara:  "Omg, let's!  I want to wear my fringy dress that gets caught on everything like velcro because that is sooo adorable and such a good way to meet strangers."

Kris:  "Omg, let's!  Omg, did I just say 'omg'? (He did)   Yes, we should totally go clubbing"


Sara:  "Yes, we totally should."


Kris: "Yes, we totally should."



Step 2:  Let's Get Tipsy


Sara:  "Ok, let's go get some gin.  We should drink obscene amounts before we go so that we don't have to buy tons of drinks, yo"


Kris: "Yayyyy Let's listen to MJ."


Sara: "We are so original!!!!"


*Insert background music of 'Beat It', and ridiculously immature 20something year-olds hopping around a living room in various stages of undress and intoxication"


Sara:  "Partyyyyyyyy!!!! Woooooo."



Step 3: Gigi is Coming


Kris:  "Gigi is coming."


Sara: "Gigi is coming?"


Kris:  "Yeah, Gigi is coming.  She said something to me earlier and I couldn't really understand it but she's got her dress on and is all ready to go and I think she thinks she's coming with us....."


Sara:  "Why would we bring Gigi?  We are going to a club to drink expensive drinks and grind on each other.  Gigi is the middle-aged housekeeper/nanny from Brazil.  Why would Gigi have any interest in that?


Kris:  "I don't know.  We don't really understand each other."


Sara:  "Maybe it was a misunderstanding."


Kris:  "No."


Gigi:  (Appears in doorway with shiny black knee-high boots + corset-y top.)  akldsh caofihaeoiru naeirnn.  (Looks expectant.)


Sara:  "No, yeah.  Gigi is coming."


*Insert background music of 'Billy Jean', and ridiculously immature 20something year-olds + middle-aged housekeeper/nanny hopping around a living room in various stages of undress and intoxication."



Step 4: We Are In The Subway


Sara:  "Yo, Gigi just took the rest of my gin and juice and drank it."


Kris:  "Hmmm?  Yo, Gigi just shotgunned that beer."


Sara:  "Where did Gigi get that beer."


Kris:  "Hey, Gigi just took that cigarette from that kid who is smoking on the train."


Sara:  "Geez, I don't blame her.  Who smokes on the train?"


Kris:  "No, she's smoking it."


Sara:  "She's patting his face. 



Step 5: We Are At the Club


Sara:  "Oh, boy-from-Denmark you are just Tooooo Funny!  You're a bonds trader, you say.  Ahh, yes.  I'm a bonds trader MYSELF!  Oh... well... haha let's not dwell on the shop talk, shall we?  Tell me more about YOU.  Oh, over there?  That's my... that's my friend Kris..  Kris...tian.  Christian.  The woman shimming on him... ahh... yes... that's Gigi... she's another... Bonds trader."


Gigi comes over


Gigi:  fiaesufhai afklasdhfil adjhfkljashdfklj!


Sara:  "Gigi! Gigi my friend, meet my friend... and what did you say your name was!?  Dooooo forgive me.


Gigi:  dkahilfuh dlkfjhadlkfh lajdh


Sara:  "Ahh.. *pause*... haha she's just really too funny, right!?"


Gigi pounds some shots and smiles.



Step 6: Where is Gigi?


The club is packed now.  There is a giant circle of people in the middle of the floor.  In the middle of the circle Gigi is grinding on an attractive young fellow.  Gigi is on the floor spinning herself in circles with her legs.  Gigi is Ridiculous.



Step 7: The Circle Is Getting Bigger.



Step 8:  The Circle Is Getting Bigger.



Step 9:  In Which I Have Been Reduced to a Spectator in the Circle Holding Gigi's Purse and Cell Phone


(That happened like this:)


Sara:  "Well Hello Gigi!  What a pleasant evening we're having, yes?"


Gigi: "lds askdfhlau uadhiuh!"  Shoves purse in my hands and disappears to entertain the masses.  



Step 10:  A Great Idea


Sara: "Let's go make out!  On the beach!"


Kris: "OK"


Sand.  Surf.  Waves.  Moon.  Quiet.


...


And then I... uhh.  Have Difficulties.  Kris is not happy when the Difficulties get on his new shoes.


Sara:  "Please take me home."


Kris:   "Ok.  Ok I'm taking you home."


Sara:  "Please take me home."


Kris:  "I am"


Sara:  "Please take me home."


Kris:  "I am"



Step 11: We are in a cab.


Kris:  "Sorry, man, but can you please drive a little more slowly."


Cabbie:  "Hahahahaha, Claro, Claro!  You know, when my girlfriend gets like that, I just call her friends and have them come pick her up."


Sara:  "Please take me home."


Kris:  "I am"


Sara:  "Please take me home."


Kris:  "I am"


Sara:  "I'm getting out of the cab.  Please take me home."


Difficulties happen.... again, and I stop to consider the merits of a storefront entrance as a final resting place for the evening, 10 blocks from home.


Sara:  "Kris, please take me home.  Just piggy-back me.  We're so close."  (Untrue)



Step 12: We are in a NEW cab


Sara:  "Please take me home."


Kris:  "I am"


Sara:  "Please take me home."


Kris:  "I am"



Step 13: We Are Home


I in the twenty second walk to our building, I... have difficulties... one more time.


Kris (embarrassed, to hot Spanish girls walking by...): Well, at least BCNeta (the nightly street cleaning service) will be here soon!




Sara:  (momentarily attentive) "Who is that?"  


Sara: (relapse) "Please take me home."



Step 14:  In Which We Get OWNED By Gigi's Superior Nightlife Skills and Cab Home in Shame, To Wake Up the Next Day With Hangovers That Will Keep Us Bedridden Until 5.  And Where Gigi Will See Me in the Kitchen in the Morning at 10 and Report Through Sign Language That She Got Home at 6am.  And Then She Will Take Baby Luiz For A Walk Cheerfully and Be Productive and I Will Be In Awe.  And Where I Still Have Yet To Understand One Word She is Saying.


Fail.


* Kris would like me to say that where I reported him as saying "omg", it was a stylistic choice and not entirely based in reality.  

1 comment:

  1. haha this is great. and you got owned. step up your game girl.

    ps- why did mums rando roomie from mauritania send me this message on facebook? I think it applies to you as well-

    Erna Polodeanu
    Sub: Lost in Africa...

    Hey Girl! What's up... (as americans say) Take advice from an Old-Experienced lady): Alcohol IS NOT GOOOOOOD... in small quantities :get more!.

    ReplyDelete